Soulmate.

People meet each other every songle day some of them are friends, some are family and some are just random people.
But some people and to be more specific a male and female, doesn’t matter how old are they, meet each other.. and catch feelings for each other and they go through every songle beautiful phase of love and let me tell you; these phases are one of the bestvyet tiring and power abusing but you know what? Totally worth the fight.
They like each other at the beginning and then they start to get attracted, get attached, like each other, love each other, and then comes next the real responsibility and the real commitment of taking a life decision whether or not the other person is good enough to spend the rest of your life with or not.
You keep asking yourself, is that person worth it? Can I even imagine my life without that person? Am I better off without them?

And here my friend, is the problem, of you choose to stay just because you got used to this, is a problem.
If you know that this person is not the one, it is a problem and if you decided to just stick around cause you’re not ready for the reality that is waiting for you and will hit you any moment, that is a problem.
Because that’s not a good way, that’s not love and that’s not care. This is called selfishness cause that person is not the one and that person is not your person.
But,
If you choose to fight that’s great it means that you’re so into that person that you’d fight for and that you are willing to stand against the world for that person no mayter how hard things could get.
You chose your life companion and you found out that this person is the one who will carry you in the hard times, sit by you, gove you advice, care for you, watch your back, number one fan, you friend, your parent, your wife, girlfriend and everything.
You chose to go through the ups and downs together and you chose to have your life with them, you chose to hve fights and make up at some point and you also chose to love the imperfections.
You chose the person who understands you and feels you without even talking, someone who believes in you.. someone who is your soul mate.

– Hala Gomaa

Lost myself in the echos

Well, this one is a message for my soul, the soul I lost in the echos, lost in the dark.
A soul that gave everything it has for the love of family and the love of friends, the few people whom it tried to protect and love with every breath and energy it had.
This is me, I am the broken, the selfless, the ones who gave it all to protect her loved ones and the one who gave up everything for the people she cared about.
I am the one who, after losing everything I had, was left out at the end, the one people who ere supposed to be friends and family, claimed me as a harsh, selfish, and feelingless person.
I am the broken one.
I am the one who was left in tears feeling the disappointment and the let down.
I am the drained.
I am the one who doesn’t fee home when she’s home and I am the one who feels lonely in the crowd.
I am the black sheep.
I am the one who can’t feel tired just because I am seen as a strong harsh person.
I am the broken.
– Hala Gomaa

Random

“The desire to step out of myself for a while. A week, a day, an hour.. hell maybe just for a second”.. that was a sentence I read in a book before, and I felt very touched… I felt that I can relate t every letter the author wrote.

Hell! If I could only just step out of myself for real and see everything from another perspective, I guess I would find an answer to my weird questions.. I would find something to hold on to. I would even feel that there would be still hoping for me to see things differently and for once.. for once I would feel okay and alive one more time.

I know you won’t be able to fully understand or relate to what I’m saying or maybe you’d call me a weird person for the nonsense that is written but let me put it simply and understandably.

Imagine this with me:

We have two sides of this image the outer side that is very calm, happy, smiling, and being kind and friendly.. a side which anybody can see. A sugar coat for the inside.

On the other hand, there is the part that’s on the inside.. a side that is different than the outer side, a chained woman inside screaming her heart out. trying to escape but she can’t.. hell is on the inside, it’s a mixture. A mixture of fear, strength, weakness, pain, agony, hate, love, care.. everything and the total opposite.

Sometimes I’m tired and depressed to the extent that I’m too tired to breathe and that it’d be better if just left this world, step out of myself… other times I feel hyper and I wanna cheer the whole world up with me. and times, when I feel rage.. this uncontrollable rage that I think if I set it free and out of me, it would break the world into pieces or maybe kill people. My rage is my strength in a hulk.

Even though I wrote a bit about what’s going on with me. trying to explain and call for help.

But I guess it is not obvious. I guess that it’s all gone to waste. I feel tired and feel unloved. I feel like I am forced to live and I don’t want to.. I feel tired and no one can feel it.

This world would be a better place without me. this family would enjoy peace and happiness if I wasn’t around.. I feel tired and drained.

I feel like dying today.

-Hala Khaled Gomaa

Random

There are times you feel like you’re on top of the world, other times you feel that you can’t even get off the floor, other when you feel normal, and some when you feel meaningless and ending up having existential crisis, and sometimes you feel nothing.. numb.

So, why is these random changes are always happening? that question has always been on my mind since I started growing up..

My guessing is, maybe life does that for us to learn somethings? or maybe to get stronger and know how to actually live.. but the question remains, why would life make us stronger by going through torture and unbearable pain? why would it make us stronger by  tearing us down, and brighten our future by showing us darkness? somehow I think that at the end of the day, it’s our choices that put us in this kind of situations, and basically, we’re making life to do so.

So here’s to everyone suffering out there and to myself too.. to the ones facing depression, the ones who are facing a breakdown and tired of life, and to the ones who got tired and powerless..

Those people whose opinion we cared about so much before are no longer present in our lives, rejections that were painful at the moment, have actually worked out for the best; we realize how little attention people pay for the superficial details about us and we choose not to obsess so much over them like before. that’s how you gain back your power and start over the fight from a better perspective.

Turn your pain into a tool and DRAIN IT, your trauma into power and your problems into slightly better problems and this is the real progress. this is where you begin to feel better.. this is when life treats you better and gives you the best out of it.

• Hala Khaled

Blossom and be proud of yourself.

we as humans try to prove to people, we’re bright and positive, we try to hide whatever we hold in our chests and on our shoulders because you know, look perfect and people will love you, is the thing now. they’re what matters the most, not us, not our feelings, not our lived but them and their impression towards us, it’s more of a competition to people who wins the most people.

to me, I tried this thing before, it didn’t feel right, and I have always been wondering how people live with this huge amount of lies and faking. the answer was always “nobody wants feel alone so we do that.” and the questions and wonderings remains and believe me it is overwhelming!. so, if you don’t wanna be alone get your checklist ready.. fake, check.. lies, check.. loads of makeup, check.. artificial feelings for attention and attraction, check…etc. and the list goes on and on.

honestly, I went through this before and it was perfect at the beginning but everything has an expiry date.. even friends.

life is all about phases, you get born, inhabit and learn, act, get through phases like this and that, change a lot and then you die.

everybody has loads and loads of different problems and traumas in their lives that they wish to let go of or die so they don’t want to remember.. and get through the pain all over again, so they bury it deep and act artificially to fulfill what’s lost by winning people’s admiration.

let yourselves be.. free yourselves from this prison you put yourself in because it’s eating you. Let it out, express yourself, write, play music, bring the child in you, run, scream, and live truly. go tell every person you trust and you got close to what happened, tell the people you’ve been always lying to, your truth and how you feel.

cause I know that it’s really hard to let someone in and see all the dark and twisty places you got inside, but I have also learned eventually that if you let yourself be, you would have hoped people to do the same. once you do that, you know that it’s the beginning of everything.. the beginning of your life.

keep blossoming and be proud of yourself.

 

Believe in yourself, no excuses

Everyone is born to be different, unique, and creative in their own way. Life is a creative method to be taught how to survive. It’s either you color it and draw whatever you want wherever you want and end ip with the most creative and unique one or you can just look right beside you, checking out what people doing and just copy them.. you know, take the advantage of saving your energy and wasting others thoughts. At this moment you become the dumbest person alive! Why? because everybody has his/her own thinking, way of living and they know their limits where to stop and where to start but you, on the other hand, you’re just copying. it’s like when they stop, you shall do so and when you start you should also do that just because they’re doing that thing in their own way NOT yours. After a while of wasting your life copying people, you’ll  regret every moment you’ve wasted while not living your moment. That’s how you become the dumbest person God alive.

Everybody has a purpose to live for, a dream to fight for, and principles to keep till time is up, and if you used them correctly you’ll have this strong, unique, smart and perfect personality of yours.. yours alone.

It’s that simple if you thought about it because you are actually building yourself by yourself nothing is easy but it’s worth it, it has always been. Believe in yourself and your life will be better with no copying included, believe in yourself with no excuses…

crawl and learn to fly because when you do, you’ll never fall down, you will keep flying high without any doubt of falling as long as you are the one who believes in yourself with no excuses. Make your life worth living for and make it worth reading as if it’s the greatest book ever written when it’s over, otherwise you will just fade like dust… Worthless.

• Hala Khaled

A generation that should be accepted…

We are the generation who has experienced the development of cultures, the evolution of human beings starting from manners and perspectives till the way of dressing up and how to react.

Yes! We are the generation who tried to inhabit living in whatever situation we are in, we took responsibilities in early stages, learned how to depend on ourselves and deal with problems, learned how to fall and get ourselves up by ourselves… we know how other people think, we are brilliant if we took the chance to let it out we can do everything because we went through everything, we have been through difficulties, pain, wounds..

but that’s not it, we learned how to solve them, stitch our wounds by ourselves and go through the pain that was once unbearable but now we know that we have to live with it. We are a generation who truly love and truly hate, no in between because we never knew how fake it.

we are strong enough to express ourselves and say NO to the unacceptable.

We can’t be tamed because we were raised that in freedom we believe, we can’t be chained because we’re raised to achieve and learn how to make the dreams come true. We make our lives from scratch with a little push and motivation from others and ourselves and we learned to inhabit the situation and learn from it.

We are the generation that faced its ups and downs alone. We’re living to be great leaders and humans, to be acceptable, successful and in great positions in the future. We are the generation whose parents are pushing is to hold our backs and give us the help and care we need.

We learned how to be thankful, how to be strong, how to respect one another and most importantly how to respect ourselves. We learned to take the heavy weight and go on, how see the beauty in simplicity.

We are the generation you call stupid, bunch of losers and whatsoever… but it’s okay because we accept whatever you say because you say what you want to say but after all, words aren’t that useful when it’s compared to actions. We are the builders of the future and will be the teachers and leaders of your children someday… so please, don’t underestimate our powers as a generation, a generation that can rule the world if they had the chance .

Respect us with our differences and we will definitely respect you.

now or never.

“This is my moment, I have to do it… I just have to, because it’s now or never” those were the last words I said to myself just before I exploded… I have been holding on for so long, now that I have no more energy or power to hold on anything else, I had to let go of everything else that I’ve beeb holding for so long … things that I needed to cut of long time ago. I needed to be more powerful and I needed to be stronger so I can carry on and get back on track as I always did. So I thought of letting everything out… which was something I should have done earlier.

The explosion was never meant to show weakness but an explosion, shows how strong and powerful you are, how long you’ve been holding on and how hard and tiring it was for you to hold such heavy load on your shoulders and still the perfect smile is still drawn on this beautiful face of yours.

You’re still strong, still holding on and carrying other people with you. This moment is the perfect moment to take the chance to give yourself a break. It’s a moment that only comes every now and them.

So, scream, shout, curse and take all your time in the world for grief, do everything possible and all it takes to feel better and to break your rage… is to set yourself free.

your soul

Get yourself together tell yourself that you’re strong, tell yourself that nothing will ever stop you, pull your tears and don’t let it fall from your eyes… life is a bitch we all know that. Life will give you the greatest hits in life and stab you right in your back but you won’t mind because you’re strong you won’t mind because you believe and most of all you won’t mind because you’re dead inside… well bad thing that happens to you takes a part of you when it leaves… a lover leaves with a huge part of you and also your friends who go one after the other whether it’s death or even a problem that disappointed you they also take that part of you everybody leaves and everybody kills the part they once owned in you. And then real death come to collect his shit and goes with the only thing that is alive… your SOUL.

meeting him

Well, I met him… I met him and it was as painful as a bullet… I was hardly breathing I had to hold my breath every time he was around I had to shut every word that was possible to be said to him only to stop the shiver and the agony in my voice it was the most killing time when I saw him .
The moment I saw him, it was like the first time I saw him… first time to hold his hand, first time to talk to him my heart skipped a beat, my breath was taken away words were stopped in my throat and my hands were as cold as a piece of ice… and when he talked my eyes were filled with tears … even my eyes missed him a lot my hands missed his touch my ears missed his tone … I still love him .
I know that I’ll never get over him, will never forget him.
All he got me was heartache and walked away.

blessed

Look me in the eye and tell the truth
Look me in the eye and tell that you love me
Look me in the eye and tell that you never lied
Promise me that will never ever leave Cause people leave and they took a part of me with them and I could get over them somehow.. but you, you my love I got connected with you in the weirdest way ever I can’t tell if you can feel what I feel and I can’t tell if you see me as I see you..
Cause you, my love .. you made me feel like we are one soul like um yours and only yours and that I will never get to feel this with anyone but you, like my life can never be without you. You made me see you as if you’re “God! I have the most generous, gentle and the kindest man I will ever meet ! ”
Even though nobody sees you like I do but i feel that I will spend my whole life with you.. and that it will be mostly like heaven!
I love you and that’s all I know and that every step I make you should be with me. .
May God bless you sweetest living thing 🙂
Thank God for having you

lessons learned

After giving up every hope you had in your soul on someone you thought it was worthy… after you had faith in someone who let you down that easily and you have nothing left to give or even tell… well, let me tell you what I think; I think you’re that strong and wise to put such faith and hope in someone else who will also let you down for some other reason.. Yeah life goes that way 🙂 trust no one and never regret just think about you have a benefit out of it and it’s the “LESSON LEARNED” benefit which is better than regretting.
Scream as much as you like, as loud as you can and cry yourself out as much as you want but when it comes in front of people you just put on that lovely smile of yours on, dry your tears and dance around just to hide all of this pain. Only the strongest will survive and you’re strong enough, just believe

missing him #short

I miss him, I miss his face as I remember I miss his beautiful brown eyes that I used to swim in , his eye lashes that made him sexy and hard to resist… I miss his all time pink lips that was always that attractive his lovely beard that made him even sexier I miss everything about him I miss his hard touch, harsh skin, I miss his tight hug that used to crash me. I miss the feeling that I used to get when he was around, his look that makes me feel loved, butterflies never left when I was with him. when he told me I love you I was like the flying bird with those strong wings that makes me crawl from happiness his voice whenever I hear him makes me smile makes me feel that everything is alright that I have this kind of support…
guess I never realized it was all a lie since he left me in the darkness.. he took my soul away with him he didn’t even say goodbye, not even a reason why to live with he just left which kills me everyday.
is it me ? is it something that I made?? did I do something stupid ?
all I wanted was an explanation, a reason, even a call that would make me relieved a little bit .. but nothing not even a word.it killed me more, made a huge deep hole in me .
I feel the guilt everyday I feel the shame I feel depressed and empty missing him like hell.
everything hurts every memory kills I miss you I miss us .
I am dying here . I know I’ll see you soon but I know deep inside that it will never be the same as the first time we saw and loved each other.
I know that this shiny light in your eyes isn’t for me anymore cause someone else took it from me .
I wish you nothing but the best baby.. I’ll always love you and I miss you so much 🙂 you were my life and world and you will forever be :). I was the flying bird that you killed in the worst harsh and violent way. but I’ll never show you the weak part of me .. not even a tear.

strong

You’re strong .. you know that but you’re just denying it..
You know you can do it but you still deny..
You have the ability to do everything you can beginning from thinking of what is right to love to hate to cry and the important part, the ability of how to be strong
It doesn’t take much and it there in everyone
You just have to believe in yourself get your dreams achieved, living the moment is one .
Strong isn’t only in the bad situations, no.. it’s in everything beginning with your life until your death, loving your mom is.. walking, playing, your ability to know new friends, are some elements of being strong.
Live your moment cry, scream, get tired, walk away, beat yourself.. but afterwards.. you stand up you walk in raise your head and don’t act strong tell yourself I AM STRONG.I CAN DO THIS cause you can.. just believe baby .. believe.

Baby.

Oh baby, what can I say?  I don’t know how to say it actually, it’s heart breaking to tell you that everything isn’t the same anymore, everything has changed. You changed; I changed; the fire we used to have that was burning like no couple could is now fading away, that the unbreakable connection between me and you became weak and barely holding on. The good old days are running away the good times are dying. Are you ready to let go? Are you ready to live all alone without the one who made your life tastes perfectly, flawless and enjoyable to live? Happy for what happened to us? Baby we’re dying here we’ve got nothing left, no more chances to take and no more time to waste… save us or tear us apart it all in your hands.

Hala Khaled Gomaa x