Soulmate.

People meet each other every songle day some of them are friends, some are family and some are just random people.
But some people and to be more specific a male and female, doesn’t matter how old are they, meet each other.. and catch feelings for each other and they go through every songle beautiful phase of love and let me tell you; these phases are one of the bestvyet tiring and power abusing but you know what? Totally worth the fight.
They like each other at the beginning and then they start to get attracted, get attached, like each other, love each other, and then comes next the real responsibility and the real commitment of taking a life decision whether or not the other person is good enough to spend the rest of your life with or not.
You keep asking yourself, is that person worth it? Can I even imagine my life without that person? Am I better off without them?

And here my friend, is the problem, of you choose to stay just because you got used to this, is a problem.
If you know that this person is not the one, it is a problem and if you decided to just stick around cause you’re not ready for the reality that is waiting for you and will hit you any moment, that is a problem.
Because that’s not a good way, that’s not love and that’s not care. This is called selfishness cause that person is not the one and that person is not your person.
But,
If you choose to fight that’s great it means that you’re so into that person that you’d fight for and that you are willing to stand against the world for that person no mayter how hard things could get.
You chose your life companion and you found out that this person is the one who will carry you in the hard times, sit by you, gove you advice, care for you, watch your back, number one fan, you friend, your parent, your wife, girlfriend and everything.
You chose to go through the ups and downs together and you chose to have your life with them, you chose to hve fights and make up at some point and you also chose to love the imperfections.
You chose the person who understands you and feels you without even talking, someone who believes in you.. someone who is your soul mate.

– Hala Gomaa

Lost myself in the echos

Well, this one is a message for my soul, the soul I lost in the echos, lost in the dark.
A soul that gave everything it has for the love of family and the love of friends, the few people whom it tried to protect and love with every breath and energy it had.
This is me, I am the broken, the selfless, the ones who gave it all to protect her loved ones and the one who gave up everything for the people she cared about.
I am the one who, after losing everything I had, was left out at the end, the one people who ere supposed to be friends and family, claimed me as a harsh, selfish, and feelingless person.
I am the broken one.
I am the one who was left in tears feeling the disappointment and the let down.
I am the drained.
I am the one who doesn’t fee home when she’s home and I am the one who feels lonely in the crowd.
I am the black sheep.
I am the one who can’t feel tired just because I am seen as a strong harsh person.
I am the broken.
– Hala Gomaa

Random

“The desire to step out of myself for a while. A week, a day, an hour.. hell maybe just for a second”.. that was a sentence I read in a book before, and I felt very touched… I felt that I can relate t every letter the author wrote.

Hell! If I could only just step out of myself for real and see everything from another perspective, I guess I would find an answer to my weird questions.. I would find something to hold on to. I would even feel that there would be still hoping for me to see things differently and for once.. for once I would feel okay and alive one more time.

I know you won’t be able to fully understand or relate to what I’m saying or maybe you’d call me a weird person for the nonsense that is written but let me put it simply and understandably.

Imagine this with me:

We have two sides of this image the outer side that is very calm, happy, smiling, and being kind and friendly.. a side which anybody can see. A sugar coat for the inside.

On the other hand, there is the part that’s on the inside.. a side that is different than the outer side, a chained woman inside screaming her heart out. trying to escape but she can’t.. hell is on the inside, it’s a mixture. A mixture of fear, strength, weakness, pain, agony, hate, love, care.. everything and the total opposite.

Sometimes I’m tired and depressed to the extent that I’m too tired to breathe and that it’d be better if just left this world, step out of myself… other times I feel hyper and I wanna cheer the whole world up with me. and times, when I feel rage.. this uncontrollable rage that I think if I set it free and out of me, it would break the world into pieces or maybe kill people. My rage is my strength in a hulk.

Even though I wrote a bit about what’s going on with me. trying to explain and call for help.

But I guess it is not obvious. I guess that it’s all gone to waste. I feel tired and feel unloved. I feel like I am forced to live and I don’t want to.. I feel tired and no one can feel it.

This world would be a better place without me. this family would enjoy peace and happiness if I wasn’t around.. I feel tired and drained.

I feel like dying today.

-Hala Khaled Gomaa

Random

There are times you feel like you’re on top of the world, other times you feel that you can’t even get off the floor, other when you feel normal, and some when you feel meaningless and ending up having existential crisis, and sometimes you feel nothing.. numb.

So, why is these random changes are always happening? that question has always been on my mind since I started growing up..

My guessing is, maybe life does that for us to learn somethings? or maybe to get stronger and know how to actually live.. but the question remains, why would life make us stronger by going through torture and unbearable pain? why would it make us stronger by  tearing us down, and brighten our future by showing us darkness? somehow I think that at the end of the day, it’s our choices that put us in this kind of situations, and basically, we’re making life to do so.

So here’s to everyone suffering out there and to myself too.. to the ones facing depression, the ones who are facing a breakdown and tired of life, and to the ones who got tired and powerless..

Those people whose opinion we cared about so much before are no longer present in our lives, rejections that were painful at the moment, have actually worked out for the best; we realize how little attention people pay for the superficial details about us and we choose not to obsess so much over them like before. that’s how you gain back your power and start over the fight from a better perspective.

Turn your pain into a tool and DRAIN IT, your trauma into power and your problems into slightly better problems and this is the real progress. this is where you begin to feel better.. this is when life treats you better and gives you the best out of it.

• Hala Khaled

Blossom and be proud of yourself.

we as humans try to prove to people, we’re bright and positive, we try to hide whatever we hold in our chests and on our shoulders because you know, look perfect and people will love you, is the thing now. they’re what matters the most, not us, not our feelings, not our lived but them and their impression towards us, it’s more of a competition to people who wins the most people.

to me, I tried this thing before, it didn’t feel right, and I have always been wondering how people live with this huge amount of lies and faking. the answer was always “nobody wants feel alone so we do that.” and the questions and wonderings remains and believe me it is overwhelming!. so, if you don’t wanna be alone get your checklist ready.. fake, check.. lies, check.. loads of makeup, check.. artificial feelings for attention and attraction, check…etc. and the list goes on and on.

honestly, I went through this before and it was perfect at the beginning but everything has an expiry date.. even friends.

life is all about phases, you get born, inhabit and learn, act, get through phases like this and that, change a lot and then you die.

everybody has loads and loads of different problems and traumas in their lives that they wish to let go of or die so they don’t want to remember.. and get through the pain all over again, so they bury it deep and act artificially to fulfill what’s lost by winning people’s admiration.

let yourselves be.. free yourselves from this prison you put yourself in because it’s eating you. Let it out, express yourself, write, play music, bring the child in you, run, scream, and live truly. go tell every person you trust and you got close to what happened, tell the people you’ve been always lying to, your truth and how you feel.

cause I know that it’s really hard to let someone in and see all the dark and twisty places you got inside, but I have also learned eventually that if you let yourself be, you would have hoped people to do the same. once you do that, you know that it’s the beginning of everything.. the beginning of your life.

keep blossoming and be proud of yourself.

 

Believe in yourself, no excuses

Everyone is born to be different, unique, and creative in their own way. Life is a creative method to be taught how to survive. It’s either you color it and draw whatever you want wherever you want and end ip with the most creative and unique one or you can just look right beside you, checking out what people doing and just copy them.. you know, take the advantage of saving your energy and wasting others thoughts. At this moment you become the dumbest person alive! Why? because everybody has his/her own thinking, way of living and they know their limits where to stop and where to start but you, on the other hand, you’re just copying. it’s like when they stop, you shall do so and when you start you should also do that just because they’re doing that thing in their own way NOT yours. After a while of wasting your life copying people, you’ll  regret every moment you’ve wasted while not living your moment. That’s how you become the dumbest person God alive.

Everybody has a purpose to live for, a dream to fight for, and principles to keep till time is up, and if you used them correctly you’ll have this strong, unique, smart and perfect personality of yours.. yours alone.

It’s that simple if you thought about it because you are actually building yourself by yourself nothing is easy but it’s worth it, it has always been. Believe in yourself and your life will be better with no copying included, believe in yourself with no excuses…

crawl and learn to fly because when you do, you’ll never fall down, you will keep flying high without any doubt of falling as long as you are the one who believes in yourself with no excuses. Make your life worth living for and make it worth reading as if it’s the greatest book ever written when it’s over, otherwise you will just fade like dust… Worthless.

• Hala Khaled

A generation that should be accepted…

We are the generation who has experienced the development of cultures, the evolution of human beings starting from manners and perspectives till the way of dressing up and how to react.

Yes! We are the generation who tried to inhabit living in whatever situation we are in, we took responsibilities in early stages, learned how to depend on ourselves and deal with problems, learned how to fall and get ourselves up by ourselves… we know how other people think, we are brilliant if we took the chance to let it out we can do everything because we went through everything, we have been through difficulties, pain, wounds..

but that’s not it, we learned how to solve them, stitch our wounds by ourselves and go through the pain that was once unbearable but now we know that we have to live with it. We are a generation who truly love and truly hate, no in between because we never knew how fake it.

we are strong enough to express ourselves and say NO to the unacceptable.

We can’t be tamed because we were raised that in freedom we believe, we can’t be chained because we’re raised to achieve and learn how to make the dreams come true. We make our lives from scratch with a little push and motivation from others and ourselves and we learned to inhabit the situation and learn from it.

We are the generation that faced its ups and downs alone. We’re living to be great leaders and humans, to be acceptable, successful and in great positions in the future. We are the generation whose parents are pushing is to hold our backs and give us the help and care we need.

We learned how to be thankful, how to be strong, how to respect one another and most importantly how to respect ourselves. We learned to take the heavy weight and go on, how see the beauty in simplicity.

We are the generation you call stupid, bunch of losers and whatsoever… but it’s okay because we accept whatever you say because you say what you want to say but after all, words aren’t that useful when it’s compared to actions. We are the builders of the future and will be the teachers and leaders of your children someday… so please, don’t underestimate our powers as a generation, a generation that can rule the world if they had the chance .

Respect us with our differences and we will definitely respect you.

now or never.

“This is my moment, I have to do it… I just have to, because it’s now or never” those were the last words I said to myself just before I exploded… I have been holding on for so long, now that I have no more energy or power to hold on anything else, I had to let go of everything else that I’ve beeb holding for so long … things that I needed to cut of long time ago. I needed to be more powerful and I needed to be stronger so I can carry on and get back on track as I always did. So I thought of letting everything out… which was something I should have done earlier.

The explosion was never meant to show weakness but an explosion, shows how strong and powerful you are, how long you’ve been holding on and how hard and tiring it was for you to hold such heavy load on your shoulders and still the perfect smile is still drawn on this beautiful face of yours.

You’re still strong, still holding on and carrying other people with you. This moment is the perfect moment to take the chance to give yourself a break. It’s a moment that only comes every now and them.

So, scream, shout, curse and take all your time in the world for grief, do everything possible and all it takes to feel better and to break your rage… is to set yourself free.

wounds.

You’ll never know if you’re really wounded or not if you won’t accept to express it or share what you’re feeling with someone, because you know that, even if they were really close to you, they will never really feel what you’ve been through.

You just need to inhabit the feeling and live with it. Hide your wounds with the wide smile because everybody else already has theirs.  Your wounds will heal someday just give it time, and act like pain never existed… like wounds never happened, learn to mend that wound and move forward because you know you can do better.

just don’t break in the middle of the road and if you did, then do it when nobody’s watching so you can pull yourself up again.

Halakhaled